60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.


50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.


40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.


32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Bemidji gets thicker.


20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.


15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.


Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.


10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.


25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.


40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.


100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.


460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"


500 below zero:
"You know what" freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late